Stepping Out of My Cage

Why use this antiquated platform again? I'm writing here to process, formulate, and solidify my thoughts and beliefs about who I am, who I want to be, and how to live going forward. So many things have changed for me. The events of 2016 to present pulled the curtain of religion back to reveal the puppet master of conservativism and Christian Nationalism.

Do I still believe in God? Yes. I believe there is something much greater than myself. I'm not quite sure how I define that right now, but the belief is still there. Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Yes. At some level I believe. Do I believe that my fellow humans (who have been raised in different traditions) will be dammed to an eternity of torture for not believing in the sacrifice? No. Would a merciful god condemn billions of souls simply because they have not heard and believe a story? No. That act isn't consistent with nature of a good god.

I feel manipulated and controlled by leaders who point to an ancient collection of texts as absolute truth. Sitting down to "spend time in the Word," leaves me feeling more depressed, disenchanted, and confused. I see myself through the eyes of those ancient writers and wonder why my life as a woman is less valuable than that of a man? Why is slavery allowed? Why is genocide encouraged? Why is homosexuality banned?

Christians say, "Oh, that was Old Testament; the New Testament changed things." I'm not okay with that. If God is really omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, the how could he allow all of that suffering? Can sin really tie the hands of an omnipotent god? Would an all-loving god be so fickle? I don't think so.

I don't know if my parents are still able to get notifications that I'm posting here. If they do read this, it will break their hearts, for they are true believers. That saddens me because I truly value their opinion of me. I don't want them to worry about the condition of my eternal soul. However, that worry isn't enough to keep me from stepping out of my cage to experience the secular, the real, and the honest. I hope they eventually understand.