Monday, June 20

So Tired--Can't Sleep

After a long, busy Father's Day with my husband, dad, and father-in-law, I am tired. It is a good tired, and I enjoyed our family day.

A little while ago, I took all of my allergy and asthma meds, helped Yardboy clean the clothes off of our bed, set the alarm, checked on the kids, brushed my teeth, washed my face, put my jammies on, rubbed lotion on my feet, kissed Yardboy goodnight, and donned my auto pap mask.

The mask wasn't sealing right, so it made a whistling noise every time I inhaled. My left arm was going to sleep, my right hip hurt, Yardboy was snoring, my eyes would not stay shut, and my mind was racing.

I quietly removed my stupid mask and got out of bed.

One of the thoughts racing through my brain was about how I have a counseling session tomorrow night and I haven't journaled once since my last meeting weeks ago. I don't mind journaling. I even like it, once I get started. I just can't get started. There is always something more important, or interesting to do. Sometimes I'm just too worn out to do it.

Another thought was about my ballooning waistline. My fat clothes are getting too small. I'm going to get blood drawn tomorrow morning to check my thyroid function. Part of me hopes it is abnormal. An abnormal result would relieve me of the personal responsibility for my weight. Then I could take a pill and make it all better. Blah, blah, blah.

I have a gym membership. The gym is about a mile from my house and the monthly fees are dirt cheap. The place is brand new with nice equipment. Once again, I like working out there, once I get started. I just can't get started. There is always something more important, or interesting to do. Sometimes I'm just too worn out to go.

The third thing I was thinking about was my upcoming medical trip to Guatemala. We were commissioned at church today and I leave on Saturday. I'm super excited and amazed how God had provided my funds so quickly! I was offered the opportunity to go on the trip a little over a week ago, so it has been go, go, go ever since.

My checked bag is already packed with 72 cloth diapers, vitamins, health teaching materials in Spanish and English, silly string, bubbles, enough Tylenol to kill a horse, lolly pops, plastic medicine bottles, stethoscopes, syringes, hiking shoes...

Yardboy will be caring for our kids while I am gone. What a wonderful husband and dad! He even gets to take them to the dentist. Hee hee.

The last thing that raced though my little brain was the strengths and weaknesses of my kids. They are all very smart, but as usual, mothering is sweet sorrow. I hope and pray that we are parenting our kids in a way that will yield healthy, responsible, kind, God fearing adults. I pray for my spawn constantly, as it would suck to be the mother of a serial killer, or the like.

Well, I guess I got it all out. My eyes don't want to remain open. I want to sleep, but I really don't want to fight with my stupid mask. I think I'll ditch the machine and use my oral appliance for sleep apnea instead. It is less effective, but I just can't bear the thought of that mask right now.