Tuesday evening I went to my Celebrate Recovery Leaders' Meeting. The fellowship was refreshing, but I was more than a little nervous and preoccupied by what I planned to do at that meeting.
After the Ministry Leader spoke (a challenging and encouraging message) he opened the floor for questions and comments. After a while, I stood and announced to the group that I will no longer be a CR Leader, and will not be working in Celebration Station with the elementary age kids or in The Landing with the teens. I explained that I have lost myself in service. I have been placing everything else in front of my recovery, and that my relationship with God has suffered. I need to reboot.
I received lots of hugs and encouragement when the meeting was over.
This morning I got an email from the Leadership thanking me for my service and wishing me well as I work on my personal journey. There are no hard feelings, only love and support.
One of the things I have been neglecting is journaling. I'm letting go of the notion that I have to journal complete descriptions of how I feel or what I experience. A few words will suffice. Journaling has to have priority in my day if I wish to remain on the right path.
Daily devotion is of great importance to my recovery. I check my email daily, so I have devotions sent to me there. I just have to quiet myself enough to read and soak in the message.
If I rely on my skewed view of the world, I am bound to get lost again. Regular time reading God's Word is essential, but I often go months without reading my Bible. I'm learning that establishing a routine for desired behaviors is necessary. I can utilize my computer to access BibleGateway every day, or I can arrive at my kids school early and use the extra time sitting in the car to read. If neither of those happen, I can break open my Bible after the kids go to bed, instead of wasting away in front of the television.
On Sunday, I made a commitment to work on weight loss. I have drastically cut out dairy and meat products. My diet now consists mostly of vegetables, fruits, and grains. I dusted off my old juicer and have a big glass of veggie and fruit juice between healthy meals. So far, it is working. I've lost three pounds, and other than the cold I caught from my kids, I'm feeling pretty good.
The devotion I read this morning was about fear. If I am fearful about something, I am not trusting God with that area of my life. Today I fear that I will lose momentum with eating healthy. I fear that I will gorge myself on hamburgers,fries, cheese (I love cheese), pizza, sweets, butter (mmmmm), pasta, white rice...
God, I don't want to live in fear. Please help me surrender my eating habits to you and your plan for my life. I want to serve you and walk the path you have prepared for me. Thank you for giving me the tools I need to live a healthy happy life. Help me to use those tools. Amen.