Lets get ready to ramble! I'm apologizing up front for the scattered nature of this post. :)
My sponsor called me Saturday. She said that she is concerned about my recovery. She said that she wonders if I spend my time on good things when I could be spend my time on great things. Understandably, I'm a mom of three, so I am busy. She doesn't want to me to add anything new, but wants me to evaluate how I spend my time now. My assignment is to write, after thinking about it for a few days.
So, it is two days later, and I've been thinking. Honestly, the phone call annoyed me. This assignment annoys me. I guess I don't want to confront my poor time management tendencies. I love my sponsor. She isn't afraid to give me annoying assignments.
I look around me and it is painfully obvious that my family and I are pigs. Everyone here detests cleaning. Yardboy and I were raised by pack rats, so we weren't taught how to get rid of junk. I'm afraid that we are passing that trait on to our poor kids.
Another trait I got from my parents is creativity. I get an idea in my head and I have to make it. Over the past three months I've designed and made a sling and dressing cover for Little Man, sandwich wrappers, cloth diapers, and a harness for use in restaurant high chairs or shopping carts. Today I purchased fake pumpkins and tonight I carved them to use as decorations for Baby Bee's first birthday party. This Thursday I'll be heading to my Step Study. I'm bringing my beads, so anyone that wants to can make a Serenity Prayer bracelet. Of course, I still make my cakes too.
Okay, yes. I know I spend too much time on the computer. I'm on the computer now. Does this count? I check email at least twice daily and I do Facebook, blogs, and general surfing too. Also, I edit photos and do some online shopping. I know that I will always check my email, so I have my daily devotional emailed to me. I like to read the same passage in several versions, so most of my bible reading at biblegateway.com. When I get worn out (or bored) I often sit down at the computer and get stuck here for much longer than I intended. Today I got stuck looking at pumpkin decorations--such cute ideas.
I tend to get overwhelmed with the state of my home and just give up. I don't know where to start. Several months ago, my friend Crickey helped me out so much with organizing and getting rid of excess stuff. I learned a lot from her, and I'm doing better, but it is still a struggle.
When I get overwhelmed like this, I look for an escape. Here are some ways I like to escape: computer, television, bath, crafts, cooking, baking, shopping, meeting with friends, talking on the phone, texting, sleep, eating, and spending time with my family.
Serving others brings me joy and purpose. I'm involved in Celebrate Recovery leadership, Celebration Station (CR children's ministry), decoration/setup for our church service on Sunday morning, Moms in Touch International, and Kidstuf (quarterly family production). Of course, I'm also the 24 hour concierge for my kids and husband.
I have to be careful not to over commit myself. I'm learning to say no. I'm no longer in a MOPS group, I declined a bible study at Little Man's school. I no longer do the shopping for CR dinners. I don't volunteer at Sunday School. I dropped out of the food ministry for sick congregation members. I quit La Leche League. I'm planning to give back the serger I borrowed since I don't need to spend all my time and money on sewing. I rarely read for pleasure (although I like reading).
Okay, there are some other things I else guess I'm hiding from--my Step Four Inventory and exercise. Actually, I'm nearly done with my inventory. I can probably finish in just a few hours. I'm not afraid of finishing it or exercising. It just seems that so much else is more pressing. Yes, tonight the stupid, cute pumpkins for my baby were more important than my Moral Inventory and exercise. Sunday night straightening the living room and doing laundry were more important. Saturday night sewing diapers was more important. Two weeks ago, writing my testimony was more important. Not that I profess the things to be more important, but my actions prove that they were more important.
With all of that said, I don't exactly know what I will do now. Maybe I should make myself a daily schedule. We will see. Hmmmm. I guess I should also pray about this. Duh.