Monday, October 16

How Do I Find a Healthy Balance?

It seems that I draw hurting people to me. That doesn't bother me. Maybe that is why I became a nurse. I enjoy helping people. I like influence them in a good way and to see them get better.

Internalizing their problems is not fine, and that is what I do. I take their problems on and make them my own. I really want to fix them. It just kills me not to be able to make it all better.

I think about them constantly. No, maybe obsess is a better word. I obsess about my friends' pain.

Then their problems invade my sleep. I wake up frequently in the night and instantly think of them. I even dream about their problems. Boy do I get up tired after a night like that. Sometimes I even need to take a sleeping pill to get a good night's sleep.

When I internalize others' issues it is hard to keep the black cloud of depression and anxiety away.

The obsessive thoughts, restless nights, anxiety and depression have now been joined by stomach pain. That is a miserable cycle. I think about their problems and my stomach starts hurting. Later I realize that my stomach hurts and I know it is because I am focusing on their problems. That makes the pain worse.

If I get too stressed out for too long I will have a fibromyalgia flare up. That stinks. It takes a lot of work to get my muscle and nerve pain to stop when it starts. The chiropractor makes loads of money off me.

How can I still be compassionate, helpful, and empathetic and not feel others' problems so deeply. I can't become calloused and uncaring in order to protect myself. How do I find a healthy balance?


cheri said...

We are called to bear one another's burdens. How to do this without being weighed down ourselves is an age old problem.

Many years ago, I memorized Philippians 4:8. This helps me so much when I am tempted to obsess over the struggles of others.

Other verses that help me include "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-29

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.

Jesus also talked about giving us His peace (sorry can't remember the reference right now), and in one of the epistles it talks about taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.

Praying for you Curly Mommy!

Curly Mommy said...

Thank you so much! You don't know how much that means to me!

Sunny said...

Cheri said it all. I have been where you are and it just stinks. I had to seperate myself with the person after awhile. It was painful but she wasn't changing from my help. She was changing me.

Okay it is too early to be helpful though. :)

Curly Mommy said...

Wow! 3:12 am! What are you doing awake?

Sunny said...

Okay your clock is off! I was up at 6:12 am. HA!

Curly Mommy said...

I have to stop taking ownership of my friends' problems. I need to support them in THEIR difficult times, but let the troubles belong to them and God.

I am a person who likes to FIX things. I have to stop trying to fix my friends. It is my job to love and support my friends, but I have to let God solve their problems. I must stop trying to take God's job. I must stop trying to take control.

Curly Mommy said...

There, I fixed the time.

Sunny said...

Curly it sounds like you know what to do. Letting go is really hard. :)

Rebecca at the Well said...

"Drason" and I once discussed the apparent fact that our greatest gifts are also our greatest stumbling blocks. The gifts God puts in us to work in His kingdom, are where the world likes to attack us most. If we have the gift of Mercy, the world will try to abuse it. If we have a gift for loving, we abuse it ourselves.