The Fuzzball Chronicles: the Life and Times of Curly Mommy

Why use this antiquated platform again? I'm writing here to process, formulate, and solidify my thoughts and beliefs about who I am, who I want to be, and how to live going forward. So many things have changed for me. The events of 2016 to present pulled the curtain of religion back to reveal the puppet master of conservativism and Christian Nationalism. Do I still believe in God? Yes. I believe there is something much greater than myself. I'm not quite sure how I define that right now, but the belief is still there. Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Yes. At some level I believe. Do I believe that my fellow humans (who have been raised in different traditions) will be dammed to an eternity of torture for not believing in the sacrifice? No. Would a merciful god condemn billions of souls simply because they have not heard and believe a story? No. That act isn't consistent with nature of a good god. I feel manipulated and controlled by leaders who point to an ancient collection of...

So, I signed up for daily Bible readings to be sent to me via email.  Part of my reading this morning was this: Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”;   and their sight was restored.  Matthew 9:29-30  NIV  A different version reads like this:  He touched their eyes and said, "Become what you believe." It happened. They saw.  Matthew 9:29-30 The Message I often struggle with what I believe.  Lord, help my unbelief, so I can become what you want me to be.

Tuesday evening I went to my Celebrate Recovery Leaders' Meeting. The fellowship was refreshing, but I was more than a little nervous and preoccupied by what I planned to do at that meeting. After the Ministry Leader spoke (a challenging and encouraging message) he opened the floor for questions and comments. After a while, I stood and announced to the group that I will no longer be a CR Leader, and will not be working in Celebration Station with the elementary age kids or in The Landing with the teens. I explained that I have lost myself in service. I have been placing everything else in front of my recovery, and that my relationship with God has suffered. I need to reboot. I received lots of hugs and encouragement when the meeting was over. This morning I got an email from the Leadership thanking me for my service and wishing me well as I work on my personal journey. There are no hard feelings, only love and support. One of the things I have been neglecting is jo...

I returned from Guatemala a week ago. The trip was amazing! We served 900 patients over five clinic days. All eleven of us contracted some sort of intestinal bug and no, we didn't drink the water. It is just one of those things that can happen when visiting the third world. Interestingly enough, I wasn't depressed while on the trip. There were times that I was lonely, sad, angry, tired, sick, nervous, or afraid, but most of the time I had a sense of peace and purpose. I missed my family immensely, and was ready to see them about half way through the nine day trip, but never felt depressed. Since coming home, I've been having a great deal of fibromyalgia pain, fatigue, and of course, there is that tummy issue and my period. Any of those alone can cause the dark cloud to come, so I guess it makes sense that I was down. Also, culture shock took its toll too. I am thankful that my lungs seem to be very happy, so breathing has not been a problem. I demanded very little...

You gotta read what my friend wrote a few days ago. Check it out: Voice in the Chasm

I'm posting this where I can see it every day... on my fridge. Things to Consider • Do you struggle with overeating or constant dieting? • Have you been on a diet and lost all the weight, but need support not to go back to unhealthy behaviors? • Do you ever feel out of control and unable to stop eating? • Do you eat out of frustration, anger, or fear? • Does it seem impossible to eat only when you are hungry and stop when you are full? • Do you eat to feel comfort? The Problem • Throughout our lives many of us have turned to food to ease our pain or fear. • We felt comfort in eating and found ourselves turning to food whenever we were hurt, angry or frustrated. • Food became our comforter, our friend. • Some of us may have one certain food that we can not stop eating, or are unable to eat only in healthy amounts. • Some of us may have been emotionally, physically or sexually abused and use food to cope with the emotions of those events. • Some of us may have had healthy eating habi...

I've been reading blogs while nursing Baby Bee. Several of them reminded me of this verse, so I thought I would share it: Hebrews 12:1-3 (New Century Version) Follow Jesus' Example 1 We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. 2 Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God's throne. 3 Think about Jesus' example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying.

Matthew 28:18-20 (The Message) Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." Our kids were baptized today! Photo opportunity with our Pastor. Little Man really wanted to sit with Daddy while he played the drums. He sat very still through the entire worship service. I wasn't the only one that was amazed! Per my request, the band played Agnus Dei . I love that song! Tater, Baby B, and me. Reciting our vows to raise our kids in Christ. Cool! Tater was happy to go first. That feels so funny! Baby B didn't cry. The baptism was beautiful! I am so happy that we were surrounded by family, friends, and chu...

Someone dear to me said, "Wisdom, pray for wisdom." I started searching, and this is what I found: Isaiah 11 A Green Shoot from Jesse's Stump A green Shoot will sprout from Jesse's stump, from his roots a budding Branch. The life-giving Spirit of God will hover over him, the Spirit that brings wisdom and understanding, The Spirit that gives direction and builds strength, the Spirit that instills knowledge and Fear-of-God. Fear-of-God will be all his joy and delight. He won't judge by appearances, won't decide on the basis of hearsay. He'll judge the needy by what is right, render decisions on earth's poor with justice. His words will bring everyone to awed attention. A mere breath from his lips will topple the wicked. Each morning he'll pull on sturdy work clothes and boots, and build righteousness and faithfulness in the land. In this passage Isaiah is speaking of Jesus, the Messiah. The same Spirit that g...

One of the prayer rooms at our church is absolutely beautiful. The sounds of soft music and running water fill the room and block out sounds from the hall. Tapestries and plants hang from the walls. There are stations around the room that serve as physical reminders of what God is. A large wooden cross lies in one corner with paper, a pen, a hammer, and nails. People can write their worries on a paper and nail them to the cross! I went into this prayer room once or twice last summer during Vacation Bible School. I didn't stay too long. I didn't want to take up time that someone else might want or need in the room. A month or two ago, my friend C spent an hour in the prayer room before church began. I remember wanting to spend time in the room alone with God too, but I knew that I wouldn't actually go in there. I didn't need a prayer room. I could meet God anywhere. In my mind, that room was made for other people, not for me. I passed the prayer room off as a beautiful, ...

This has been a difficult post to write. I have tried at least four times, and the correct words just won't form. Is it because of my codependent nature? Am I afraid of disappointing the blogging homeschoolers? I think so. I guess I'll just make it as simple as it is. We will not be homeschooling next year. We will be sending our daughter, Tater, to a Christian school for kindergarten. I feel taking Tater out of preschool last fall was the right decision. I can't describe the satisfaction I feel knowing that I taught her so many of the things that she knows. It is wonderful to plan our days according to what we need or want to do, not the schedule of an institution. I enjoy spending these days with her so much... However, I feel that an enormous burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Yes, homeschooling her next year is a burden that I don't think I can bear. I really don't think I would be capable of giving my kids what they need next year if I had to homeschool....