The Fuzzball Chronicles: the Life and Times of Curly Mommy

After dinner last night, my 20 year-old daughter asked me if I was having a midlife crisis? I answered affirmatively and told her about my blog post from yesterday.  She had long forgotten about mommy's neglected blog, so I pulled out my laptop. We scrolled through memory lane together. Her special person was also with us, gaining insight into my girl's childhood and the woman who raised her.  Some memories were hilarious. She loved the story of the time she called her brother a pussy. She asked special permission to read about my miscarriage and other sad stories. I granted permission. I have no problem sharing hard times with her.  What really got to me were the religious posts. Those were painfully embarrassing. Transparently sharing my attempts to be a good Christian was like ripping the bandage off of an open necrotic wound. I not only wished the wound was healed, but I wanted all evidence of it erased. My God posts made me feel stupid.  Later, my daughter and I continued

So, how can you tell if you're having a midlife crisis? I think that's where I'm at right now. Or maybe I'm having a psychotic break. Or maybe I'm just fed up with trying to be a good Christian mom. Why? Why do I have to be so fucking strict with myself and my kids? I'm done.  I haven't been to church in about two years. I avoided the church in 2020 due to weak COVID restrictions. The Black Lives Matter Movement, 2020 election, Jan. 6 Insurrection, and overturning of Roe v. Wade further served to divide me from my church. I watched the service online for a while, but eventually dropped that too. It was as if my fellow members had their conservative ostrich heads in the sand and couldn't see their actions were not how Jesus would have handled things.  Over the last few months, our pastors finally decided to address the stance of homosexuality in the United Methodist Church. They did a summer series about sexuality in the church and sent out strongly worde

 A little over seventeen years ago, my grandmother, or Ma, as we called her, confessed to smoking jimsonweed. Ma's doctor had been unsuccessful at treating her breathing, so she went to, "the old witch lady down the road." This woman gave her a wooden box of dried jimsonweed, told her to roll it into a cigarette and smoke it. Ma said it didn't really help her breathing, and it made her feel crazy. This would have been in 1955, just before she gave birth to my father (prematurely). This confession has been the source of years of jokes about my dad being an unintelligent jimsonweed baby. When I began googling jimsonweed I learned that Georgia O'Keeffe did a series paintings of the herbaceous perennial. I fell in love with this painting:  Jimsonweed by Georgia O'Keefe . Jimsonweed ( Datura stramonium)  also goes by the names thorn apple and devil's snare. The flowers open at night and emit a sweet fragrance. Conversely, the leaves are stinky when rubbed. It c

I am human.  I am real. I am woman. I am imperfect, and that is okay. I care what people think of me in relation to integrity, honesty, and intelligence. I cannot stand to be called a liar.  I often feel invisible. I'm short, so people often look over me in a crowd. I'm middle aged, fat, and frumpy. People seem to look through me. I feel irrelevant, especially in a crowd of younger people. I have a chronic fatigue, pain, depression, and anxiety disorder. My doctors call it Fibromyalgia. Could it be something else? Sure, I'm not stuck on the name. I view it as a placeholder until a better diagnosis comes around. I know the chronic fatigue, pain, depression, and anxiety are real. My lifestyle can help or hurt me in my struggle with fibromyalgia. Proper diet, exercise, and sleep are essential to living my best life with fibro. I struggle to maintain proper diet, exercise, and sleep. I was raised by Jesus Freaks during the Jesus Movement at a charismatic non-denominational chur

Why use this antiquated platform again? I'm writing here to process, formulate, and solidify my thoughts and beliefs about who I am, who I want to be, and how to live going forward. So many things have changed for me. The events of 2016 to present pulled the curtain of religion back to reveal the puppet master of conservativism and Christian Nationalism. Do I still believe in God? Yes. I believe there is something much greater than myself. I'm not quite sure how I define that right now, but the belief is still there. Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Yes. At some level I believe. Do I believe that my fellow humans (who have been raised in different traditions) will be dammed to an eternity of torture for not believing in the sacrifice? No. Would a merciful god condemn billions of souls simply because they have not heard and believe a story? No. That act isn't consistent with nature of a good god. I feel manipulated and controlled by leaders who point to an ancient collection of

Hello old blog. It has been such a long time. I didn't lose the weight (I gained), my cholesterol is still high (and my liver is angry), and I still use my APAP religiously (at higher settings). I'm middle aged. I have crow's feet and grey at my temples. I don't get carded when I buy beer for my husband (I don't drink--bad liver).  My oldest child graduated and moved out. She's into all things goth and punk. My middle child will (hopefully) graduate from high school next year. He's into all things punk, and metal.  My youngest child will be starting 8th grade this fall. She's funny, compassionate, and compliant. I'm waiting for her head to start spinning... My husband is the same reliable guy he was before, but now he has an APAP, thinning grey hair, and some weight around the middle.  We are in the same city, but now we live in a much larger home on two wooded acres. We have the same two old dogs, a couple of cats, and three fish. Now we also have e

Goals for 2014: 1.  Weigh 50 pounds less by January 1, 2015. 2.  Decrease my cholesterol to normal levels. 3.  Sleep without the aid of an APAP. Affirmations: 1.  I am worthy of taking time to care for my mind, body, and spirit. 2.  I have to take care of myself first so I will be able to care for others. 3.  I can resist the temptations that arise by using my tools. Gratitude: 1.  God 2.  Family 3.  Friends 4.  Church 5.  Pets